Dilemma
by jenncgf
Summary: Nathaniel finds himself trapped in a dilemma as he and Melania Cousland are caught in the Fade ...  One-shot, based on MelRedux's F!Cousland and N. Howe and associated story prompt.


A/N: I don't own any of the characters of Dragon Age. Unfortunately. I just like playing in their sandbox.

A/N #2: This story is based on MelRedux's Melania Cousland and Nathaniel. If the characters don't seem to act the way I tend to write an HNF and Nathaniel Howe, that would be why. Hope you enjoy it!

0o0

"Bronto droppings."

Nathaniel raised an eyebrow, but didn't deign to respond to Melania's curse. He agreed silently with the sentiment. Imitating Oghren to express said sentiment, however, was not his first choice. Instead, he looked around.

They were still off the side of the road where they had encountered the abomination, but Oghren and Anders were nowhere to be seen. The monster they were trying to kill had also disappeared. The landscape was almost surreal in its appearance, as if they had stepped into a painting created by a particularly nearsighted watercolor artist. Everything was fuzzy around the edges and completely still; no wildlife sounds emanated from the nearby forest. Nathaniel found it was hard for him to concentrate on any one object, save for Melania herself.

"We're in the Fade?"

Melania growled out her response. "Yes. Maker's breath! This is the _third_ time this has happened to me. That abomination must have trapped us here. We're going to have to find and kill it to get back."

Nathaniel snorted. "No problem, right? Where are the others?"

Melania shook her head. "I hope they're not in here too, but we'll need to look around to be sure. I don't want to leave them behind." She kicked at the dirt angrily, scowling. Nathaniel reminded himself that he _didn't_ care how she felt, because, after all, she was a _Cousland_, and it would have been just plain _wrong_ to try to comfort her. The fact that somehow they had managed to find themselves entwined and naked in each other's beds several times was merely a release of … tension. Right. _You keep thinking that, Nathaniel. Maybe you'll believe it if you repeat it enough._ He frowned as he attempted to clear his thoughts.

Of course, _that _was when Melania turned around to look at him. "What?" she demanded. "What did I do now?"

"Nothing. It's … nothing." Nathaniel made sure his face was expressionless as he turned. "Is that a doorway?"

Melania walked over to the spot Nathaniel saw. "Looks like it. Let's go." She turned to face Nathaniel. "We're not getting anywhere just standing here." She turned back and walked toward the doorway.

Nathaniel waited until Melania's back was fully turned before rubbing his forehead in frustration. _This is probably a very bad idea._ Still, he hurried up to follow her and passed through the doorway right after she did.

0o0

All things considered, it was remarkably easy to convince both Anders and Oghren to go with them instead of staying in their locations of the Fade. Anders was the easier of the two since he had been dropped in an imitation of the Circle Tower. All Melania had to do was say that she was there to help him with his escape attempt and he gladly followed them through the doorway that led them out.

Oghren was a little harder; the demon was intelligent enough to drop him into a tavern. Melania said it looked like Tapster's, a bar in Orzammar. Fortunately, however, Melania kept a spare bottle of alcohol in her pack at all times "in case of emergency," and so once she presented it to Oghren he followed the bottle much as a donkey would follow a carrot. Nathaniel wondered if getting drunk in the Fade would carry over to when they escaped it, hoping they would soon find out. Once they left the bar via the strange doors they kept encountering, they were outside what appeared to be a large, and somehow familiar, estate.

_Are we in Denerim?_ Nathaniel looked over to his companions. Both Oghren and Anders looked around as if they were expecting something to happen. Melania, however, looked _angry._ She muttered a curse under her breath. "We need to go in there," she said, her voice low and dark. "That bastard." She strode forward purposefully, her swords at the ready. Anders looked at him and shrugged before the three men followed her into the estate.

It was truly odd once they were inside. Soldiers stood or patrolled at several places, yet none of them seemed to notice the group of Grey Wardens clomping through the hallways. Nathaniel was confused when he saw that some of the soldiers were wearing the Howe crest. "Where are we supposed to be?" He didn't recognize this building even though it appeared that it was part of his family's holdings.

Melania looked at him and frowned. "Arl of Denerim's estate," she said. "This is where your father died." She ignored Nathaniel when he pulled up short and kept walking. "We'll need to go to the dungeons if this is what I think it is."

_That explains why she knows where this is._ Nathaniel shook his head to clear the uncharitable thoughts that surely would have followed and stepped into formation behind her. As they walked down a long, straight hallway, he noted that their leader's posture became more and more tense, to the point where it was obvious even under her heavy plate that she wore. Their progress continued to be ignored and they stepped into a large, lavish bedroom before Melania turned around again to address them.

"This is where we might start to have trouble," she said, avoiding Nathaniel's eyes. "When I was here before there were many guards down there and … prisoners." There was something else there that she was holding back, but Nathaniel couldn't catch her eye to try to get her to say it. Her brow furrowed further, her face pulled into almost a snarl in its intensity. "Let's do this." She spun around on her heel and opened the other door in the room.

As they descended to the lower floor, Nathaniel's discomfort increased tenfold. _I might have to kill some of Father's men. _He mentally prepared himself to fight just in time for Melania to throw open the door and charge in.

The room was empty.

Melania pulled up short, clearly confused. "But … there were ..." It was then that Nathaniel realized that what he had mistaken for pure anger was only the surface of her emotions. The confusion took over her eyes for only a moment, but before the angry mask was back in place he saw fear, worry, and … guilt?

"Mel?" Anders looked worried for their leader. "What's wrong?" Melania didn't answer, instead rushing to the next closest door and throwing it open. The rest of the Wardens rushed after her to back her up, only to find an empty hallway. She ran to the next door and threw _that_ one open, only to find that this room, which appeared to be a torture chamber, was also empty.

"There were … it's supposed to be ..." Melania looked confused again. "There are supposed to be men in here, torturing people. Where _are_ they?" Her face turned frantic and she ran faster to the next several doors that led off the hallway, opening each one swiftly in turn, finding each one completely abandoned.

There was one more door, but this one … this one she stood in front of for a good minute, taking deep breaths. She turned one more time, this time meeting Nathaniel's eyes. When she spoke, he could hear the anxiety that she was trying to suppress.

"None of this has gone the way I thought it would," she said. "When I – the last time I was here," she paused for a moment to get herself under control, "we had to fight our way through this entire floor. There were several prisoners who we released. I … I don't know what to expect in there." She pointed to the door behind her. "That room is where Howe was." She looked momentarily apologetic as Nathaniel flinched at the mention of his family's name, but quickly covered it up again with an angry mask. "It could be … _him_, or it could be Vaughan Urien … I don't _know _what is in there. Be ready for anything." She turned and straightened her posture before opening the door and they all rushed in.

This room was _not_ empty.

"Fa...Father?" Despite the warning, Nathaniel was still shocked to see Rendon Howe standing before him, apparently alive and well. His mind registered that several other people were in the room too, but he failed to take notice of them until he heard a high-pitched voice.

"Auntie Mel-" and at this, Father raised a hand and there was a cracking sound, followed by a gurgle. Nathaniel followed the sound to see a dark-haired child lying on the floor, his head twisted too far to one side, and a heavily armored guard standing over him.

"NOOO!" Melania shouted, the sound one of pure terror and grief, and she rushed forward, sinking one of her longswords deep into the soldier's chest. Nathaniel watched her kill the man as if in a dream, and his eyes found themselves back on his father, who looked at him with a small upward curl at the corners of his mouth. Everyone else, however, sprang into action. Even outnumbered three to one, and with Father's men having a pair of mages dealing damage, the Wardens were quickly gaining the advantage. Nathaniel only shook himself out of his reverie when he realized Father had drawn his swords and was advancing on Anders.

"Anders! Behind you!" Fortunately, Oghren had seen Rendon advance as well and took a mighty swing at him, incapacitating him. Father crumpled to the floor as Nathaniel nocked an arrow and let it fly at one of the mages, killing him instantly.

Shortly, the only people left alive in the room were Rendon and the Wardens. Oghren and Anders moved to surround him, but Father raised his hand again and chanted. Suddenly, both men were frozen stiff with what would be comically surprised expressions on their faces, had the situation been different. That left Nathaniel and Melania standing, staring at a bleeding and defiant Rendon Howe warily as he started to chuckle.

"So we meet again," he sneered at Melania. "The little Cousland whore who _used_ to be a spitfire." Nathaniel's eyes widened as he saw Melania's face go red. "Are you going to try to finish me off yourself this time?" He smirked as the tension in the room increased. "Or will you try to make the _boy_ you're spreading your legs for get his hands dirty for you again?"

Nathaniel was stunned. "What?" He looked to Melania, whose face was still red. Her expression, however, was completely unreadable. He looked back to Father, who was still smirking. "What do you mean?"

"Just what I said, my boy. This girl still plays at being a man, yet she can't even get her own revenge. How sad." Father's expression belied the statement. "It's a shame that her _mommy_ and _daddy_ can't see her, playing the latest of her conquests -"

"Shut up."

"- like a fool, just like she did with the last one." Father's voice continued as if she had never spoken. He sneered at Nathaniel, then. "What, you thought you were _special?_" Father's snort indicated what he thought of that little idea. "You're just one in a long line of boys she's taken to bed, boy. There will were plenty before you, and there will be plenty -"

"Shut UP."

"- after you. She's not strong enough to get revenge on the death of that little misbegotten brat, sired by a weakling shadow of her father and an Antivan whore, even the second time around."

"Shut up! SHUT UP!" Melania was screaming now.

Father's voice dropped to a conspiratorial whisper. "The last time, she _ordered_ her … bed partner … to finish it." His gaze grew triumphant. "But you and I know, boy, that she chose her playmate poorly this time. You're too defiant to blindly follow orders." He sneered again at Nathaniel. "Unless I'm mistaken, of course, and she leads you around by your - "

"SHUT UP!" This time the scream drowned out Father's last words. Nathaniel risked another look at Melania. She was shaking, tears streaming down her face, and her fists were clenched so tightly that Nathaniel thought she might crush her own gauntlets through force. Her face was red to the point that Nathaniel was worried she might actually fall into an apoplectic fit.

"You always were too soft-hearted, boy, no matter how much we tried to discipline it out of you." Nathaniel's eyes snapped back to Father, who was glaring at him. "Finish this. Show me you can do _one_ thing right in your life. Show me that you've learned _something_ out of all the time I spent trying to make you into a man." Father nodded over to Melania. "Show the little hussy that you're not to be trifled with. _End her." _Father's face twisted into an unholy leer. "Show her that she's worth less than nothing, boy. Do something for once in your life to make me _proud. Be a Howe."_

Nathaniel felt his eyes widen as time seemed to stop. Melania closed her eyes; he could feel the despair coming off her in waves. Father looked at him expectantly.

_What do I do?_

He looked at Melania. Her face was closed off emotionally, although tears still streamed down her cheeks. He looked at Father, whose gaze was triumphant, his eyes flashing as if he already knew what Nathaniel would do.

Then he looked inside himself, the indecision gnawing at him.

_What … do I do? I can't just take her life; she's done nothing to me! But if what Father said was true … No! I am not a fool. _He closed his eyes._ Father always said I wasn't good enough – I never did the right thing by him. To have his approval just _once …The temptation to finally, _finally_ please his father was great. _But Melania…_ He felt a sudden surge of _something, _something he had been ignoring or explaining away until then, as he thought of her face, of her touch, the way she looked at him when they were laying together ...

A sudden thought entered his mind. _I trust __**her. **__What would __**she**__ think about all this?_ It only took a moment to come up with an answer. His eyes snapped open and he crossed the room to where Melania was standing, yanking the longsword from her hand. Her eyes met his, and he could see the futility in them. He stepped back, **her** name on his lips, and raised the sword …

0o0

"Delilah."

It was the first thing he said when he woke up. The abomination's body was still making its descent to the ground, landing with a soft thud. Oghren and Anders were still lying there, but stirring. He looked to where Melania had been standing before they had been dragged into the Fade.

She was sitting, her arms wrapped around her knees, staring out into nothing. Her eyes were dull and lifeless – it was as if she was a puppet, placed there and left as its owner ran off to play somewhere else. Alarmed, he got up and walked to her, kneeling in front of her. She didn't even see him, she was drawn inward so far.

"Melania." There was no answer. He put his hands on her shoulders and shook her gently. "Melania!" He spoke louder, but there was still no response. He brushed a stray hair that had fallen loose from its ponytail off her face and tried again. "Mel?" he asked softly.

Startled, she came back to herself and her gray eyes found his. "Na-Nathaniel?" He sighed in relief and nodded, never letting his eyes leave hers. "You … I thought you would ..." She seemed at a loss for words. "What the demon said … it's … it's not _true._" She seemed like she was pleading with him. "I used to … but not any more. Not since ..." She stifled a sob. "I thought ..."

"Shh." Nathaniel let his worry for Melania show, for once. He put his arms around her shoulders and pulled her toward him, settling her unresisting form against his chest. He held her close, lending her his strength until she could gather her own again, and closed his eyes.

_I need to tell her how I feel, but not now. I will, though. _Once he made that promise to himself, he felt relieved. He rocked her in his arms and just held her, showing her what he was not yet ready to say.


End file.
